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It's been very emotional on me lately
Jan. 11th, 2025 09:20 pmChristmas was fine then made the trek to Texas for the remaining of the week. My mother in law is still an alcoholic and has made no effort to get help or make any changes. I don't understand why my husband's family just ignores it or doesn't confront her about it. She's back to drunk dialing our house and telling my husband he's fat. He does absolutely nothing and lets her drunkenly rant. I don't understand. For a brief moment, I lost the ability to pay for my medication since my insurance decided to skyrocket a medicine I've only been taking for a few months. Idk why but I started sobbing when I got back from attempting to pick it up then finding out it was over $730. My doctor and case manager put in an exemption for me and I found out today that my co-payment went back to normal OMFG.
I made the extremely painful decision to rehome Rocco. It's not fair to have him in the kennel when we're out or if everyone is upstairs because having him run loose meant him shitting all over the place or ripping shit up. I don't have the resources or the time to train him more and felt it would be the best decision to have him rehomed. I cried about it even though I've had so much grief trying to keep him from destroying things. I will miss him but truthfully it will be nice to be able to buy a new couch because he destroyed our current one. It'll be nice not to have to take him outside in the freezing rain or snow, or finding shit in the most random of places. My cats have been so fucking mean to him ever since he came home and he doesn't deserve that. He needs a home with someone that has the knowledge and patience and no cats. The clerk who helped process him said that he should have no problem getting adopted and that she'd be surprised if he's still there after just a few days, which made me feel a lot better. I want him to forget about me so that he can hyper fixate on his new family. I really hope they will have other dogs for him to play with too. Finally, I'm just still sad and frustrated that this piece of shit managed to get the racists and bigots to elect his fat ass again. I'm at a point where...I feel it's pointless and just to give up. My fucks are gone and I want to spent the next 4 years disassociating with the news and social media and look forward to sewing more and collecting. Recently, I've been visiting old websites that can only be reached through the wayback machine. It's nostalgic and brings me back to when I had no worries about anything other than what costume I wanted to make or what game to play. I don't miss being a teenager at all, but I do miss how content and safe I felt. I spent many nights, mainly the weekends looking at LiveJournal's of people living in California and cosplaying in all these cool places. I get not everything is what it seems online but it was still cool to see. I really admired Adella's Aerith. Just thinking about perfect she seemed and that she would sew her costumes and of course lived in California. I hate how ridiculous it is thinking that someone is perfect since they only put the positives parts online. I don't think poorly of her at all, but kind of wild finding out she didn't work for years and had a boyfriend who paid for everything (that explains all the cons and traveling). Anyways, I still think she's cool and reminisce staring at her Aerith photos lol. I think I am finally biting the bullet and going to make my own and all the costumes I've wanted to make out of nostalgia. Did I mention I started playing Final Fantasy X again???? After all these years!! I also look back at old toy collecting sites. I wish more were available but I wouldn't even know where to look. When I think about it, finding the Heero is not Toast site is what got me to looking for the Duo Maxwell metal keychain that released what...almost 30 years ago. I actually FOUND it on JP Mercari for like less than $40. Crazy.
I bought myself two Smart Dolls and clothes for Christmas, that's how much my fucks are gone haha. Maybe it'll get better but I highly doubt that. I'd like to focus on making doll clothes again. For some reason, the ones that I've been getting from vendors aren't very good. I'm actually pretty disappointed in the last two sets of clothing I've bought from Etsy. I bought a pre-order that looked adorable in the photos, but when I got the product, it seems really manufactured. It doesn't look handmade but mass produced and the quality of the fabric feels really cheap. I've bought from the seller before and they're dresses where nice, but this was....insanely terrible. Doesn't look good on Ilene and probably not on any of the other girls. I've noticed that newer clothes being sold aren't really suited for Smart Doll anymore, and more over BJD in different sizes, since the clothes are missing the hole where you would place the standing stick in.
I just went through a folder of patterns I completely forgot I bought, so I guess I'll be sewing over the weekends. I took a break from school....I have one fucking class that I can't pass and I've been so angry that I'm taking a long break. I won't be taking classes until Fall. I'm not wasting another Spring Break or Summer for this stupid class.
I made the extremely painful decision to rehome Rocco. It's not fair to have him in the kennel when we're out or if everyone is upstairs because having him run loose meant him shitting all over the place or ripping shit up. I don't have the resources or the time to train him more and felt it would be the best decision to have him rehomed. I cried about it even though I've had so much grief trying to keep him from destroying things. I will miss him but truthfully it will be nice to be able to buy a new couch because he destroyed our current one. It'll be nice not to have to take him outside in the freezing rain or snow, or finding shit in the most random of places. My cats have been so fucking mean to him ever since he came home and he doesn't deserve that. He needs a home with someone that has the knowledge and patience and no cats. The clerk who helped process him said that he should have no problem getting adopted and that she'd be surprised if he's still there after just a few days, which made me feel a lot better. I want him to forget about me so that he can hyper fixate on his new family. I really hope they will have other dogs for him to play with too. Finally, I'm just still sad and frustrated that this piece of shit managed to get the racists and bigots to elect his fat ass again. I'm at a point where...I feel it's pointless and just to give up. My fucks are gone and I want to spent the next 4 years disassociating with the news and social media and look forward to sewing more and collecting. Recently, I've been visiting old websites that can only be reached through the wayback machine. It's nostalgic and brings me back to when I had no worries about anything other than what costume I wanted to make or what game to play. I don't miss being a teenager at all, but I do miss how content and safe I felt. I spent many nights, mainly the weekends looking at LiveJournal's of people living in California and cosplaying in all these cool places. I get not everything is what it seems online but it was still cool to see. I really admired Adella's Aerith. Just thinking about perfect she seemed and that she would sew her costumes and of course lived in California. I hate how ridiculous it is thinking that someone is perfect since they only put the positives parts online. I don't think poorly of her at all, but kind of wild finding out she didn't work for years and had a boyfriend who paid for everything (that explains all the cons and traveling). Anyways, I still think she's cool and reminisce staring at her Aerith photos lol. I think I am finally biting the bullet and going to make my own and all the costumes I've wanted to make out of nostalgia. Did I mention I started playing Final Fantasy X again???? After all these years!! I also look back at old toy collecting sites. I wish more were available but I wouldn't even know where to look. When I think about it, finding the Heero is not Toast site is what got me to looking for the Duo Maxwell metal keychain that released what...almost 30 years ago. I actually FOUND it on JP Mercari for like less than $40. Crazy.
I bought myself two Smart Dolls and clothes for Christmas, that's how much my fucks are gone haha. Maybe it'll get better but I highly doubt that. I'd like to focus on making doll clothes again. For some reason, the ones that I've been getting from vendors aren't very good. I'm actually pretty disappointed in the last two sets of clothing I've bought from Etsy. I bought a pre-order that looked adorable in the photos, but when I got the product, it seems really manufactured. It doesn't look handmade but mass produced and the quality of the fabric feels really cheap. I've bought from the seller before and they're dresses where nice, but this was....insanely terrible. Doesn't look good on Ilene and probably not on any of the other girls. I've noticed that newer clothes being sold aren't really suited for Smart Doll anymore, and more over BJD in different sizes, since the clothes are missing the hole where you would place the standing stick in.
I just went through a folder of patterns I completely forgot I bought, so I guess I'll be sewing over the weekends. I took a break from school....I have one fucking class that I can't pass and I've been so angry that I'm taking a long break. I won't be taking classes until Fall. I'm not wasting another Spring Break or Summer for this stupid class.
