Catching up to do
May. 7th, 2013 01:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
graffiti_marinaSo it’s been over a month since I’ve last written. Normally I don’t acknowledge that, but the past month has been tough. I’ve came and gone through ALS, in fact my graduation is tomorrow evening. Excited because I am fucking done! It’s insane because I was scared I wasn’t going to graduate because of my test scores but once we were able to take the retest I was ready to go! I mean…I passed and did a lot better than the original test. I was so happy and frustrated…all kinds of mixed feelings that i started crying lol. And finally, the rest of yesterday, today and tomorrow I have nothing to worry about and all the weight is off of my shoulders. My buddy Hernandez wasn’t so lucky and they released him back to work 🙁 I tried texting him but I haven’t gotten any response. So I’ll stop by the gym tomorrow and see if he’s working. He also left his printer in the classroom but that’s the last thing I wanted to talk to him about. I hope the rest of the people in my class end up passing their ‘last chance’ test tomorrow. It would’ve been nice to graduate with everyone we came in with but since that’s not happening anymore, then at least the people who have that one shot left. The test is super crazy stupid. Then later today, we had to do a practice for graduation. One of the chick’s from upstairs looked so pissed and kept mumbling stuff under her breathe but her lips looked like she was cussing and saying the practice was gay. Ummm, yeah nobody else wants to be here anymore than you do, but don’t go around acting like a bitch because they’re going to keep us here longer than we want to be. I have no idea why people gave so much attitude. They made us do it again because of that. Holy crap. And it’s half a day tomorrow of practice again. Hopefully everyone will be in a better mood.
Besides that, I’m so glad that I am finished! It was extremely stressful. Even to the point where me and my husband started talking about divorcing again. Well, it looks like this time it is official. I was really upset at first and even though I was the one that brought it up, it still made me sad thinking how my son won’t have his parents together. And it’s really upsetting to know that my husband didn’t marry me because he loved me, which makes me think would it even be worth trying to save my marriage? I don’t want to get depressed over it but I also don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love me. I’d rather be with someone who wants me. But ever since talking about it, we’ve been fine. I mean….we still have sex as if nothing is going on. It’s weird. I don’t want to have sex anymore if we’re getting divorced because it’s too emotional for me but at the same time, it’s like "might as well" because once we divorce I won’t be getting any for a while lol. Then he says shit like, "Are you going to miss this?" Why ask me that? Anytime I bring up wanting to move out once the lease is up or about dating again he gets upset. I see no reason to get upset when we’re both agreeing about moving on. I still don’t know how to feel. I love him dearly and what makes him who he is to me is that we are different from each other but I guess that’s a negative for him. I was just tired of him being down on himself then attacking me when I gave up trying to keep supporting him….i mean there’s only so much I can do before I’m like "Look you’re negativity is bringing me down, stop it." It’s ass-backwards, because once I do that he says things like "We’re not going to make it." bullshit! If that’s what you think then fine. Maybe I need to find someone else. I want to move out of this town so bad but he doesn’t want me to leave without him. I don’t know how long I can do this. Something needs to change, because it gets to a point where it sounds like he’s trying to control me.
So there’s two trips in store come near the end of summertime. J’s birthday apparently falls on a timeframe where my still-in laws are planning on taking a cruise. I would like to go with them because my son is going (and the in-laws are paying for it haha) And even though me and my husband are still divorcing, I do want us to remain close without the sex and be able to take trips together and not hate each other. It’ll be nice to go to the Caribbean or Jamaica like I’ve always wanted and even wrote about in my long ago entries. Oh well, we’ll see. Since we graduate Friday, we have plans to go to Six Flags this weekend. It’ll be such a nice break 🙂
Besides that, I’m so glad that I am finished! It was extremely stressful. Even to the point where me and my husband started talking about divorcing again. Well, it looks like this time it is official. I was really upset at first and even though I was the one that brought it up, it still made me sad thinking how my son won’t have his parents together. And it’s really upsetting to know that my husband didn’t marry me because he loved me, which makes me think would it even be worth trying to save my marriage? I don’t want to get depressed over it but I also don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love me. I’d rather be with someone who wants me. But ever since talking about it, we’ve been fine. I mean….we still have sex as if nothing is going on. It’s weird. I don’t want to have sex anymore if we’re getting divorced because it’s too emotional for me but at the same time, it’s like "might as well" because once we divorce I won’t be getting any for a while lol. Then he says shit like, "Are you going to miss this?" Why ask me that? Anytime I bring up wanting to move out once the lease is up or about dating again he gets upset. I see no reason to get upset when we’re both agreeing about moving on. I still don’t know how to feel. I love him dearly and what makes him who he is to me is that we are different from each other but I guess that’s a negative for him. I was just tired of him being down on himself then attacking me when I gave up trying to keep supporting him….i mean there’s only so much I can do before I’m like "Look you’re negativity is bringing me down, stop it." It’s ass-backwards, because once I do that he says things like "We’re not going to make it." bullshit! If that’s what you think then fine. Maybe I need to find someone else. I want to move out of this town so bad but he doesn’t want me to leave without him. I don’t know how long I can do this. Something needs to change, because it gets to a point where it sounds like he’s trying to control me.
So there’s two trips in store come near the end of summertime. J’s birthday apparently falls on a timeframe where my still-in laws are planning on taking a cruise. I would like to go with them because my son is going (and the in-laws are paying for it haha) And even though me and my husband are still divorcing, I do want us to remain close without the sex and be able to take trips together and not hate each other. It’ll be nice to go to the Caribbean or Jamaica like I’ve always wanted and even wrote about in my long ago entries. Oh well, we’ll see. Since we graduate Friday, we have plans to go to Six Flags this weekend. It’ll be such a nice break 🙂
